For some men, sex without dirty talk is nothing more than a mediocre event. Without that communication (and the trust that comes with it,) their bodies and minds just aren’t connected. Sex is as much mental, as it is physical.

The unrestricted, uncensored, candid chatter that makes us blush is the only way to know if they want it faster or slower, harder or gentler. Without it, you’d never discover how they like their hair pulled, while you kiss them. The problem is, talking dirty to your partner is a sexual behavior that many people find to be very uncomfortable the initial time they try it, especially if they are trying it with someone new. In order to incorporate dirty talk into the bedroom, you must lose your inhibitions and expose yourself. This can always make you feel vulnerable and be a little scary. If a glass of wine is in order, to loosen things up, go ahead and pour one for yourself.

First, you should know that it’s important to be aware of your “audience.” Some are moved by moans and sighs, while others dig the outright dirty talk. It might be a good idea to ease into it and see what your partner prefers. Try starting off with some heavy breathing, or a simple “Mmmm.” It is this kind of feedback that cheers them on and helps showcase what you like. If they respond, then try to add some whispered comments about how good it feels. If you get positive feedback, maybe it’s time to attempt some dialogue. For starters, just say anything that comes to mind, but say it provocatively. Try saying, “What do you want me to do now?” very breathy and slow. Or a little muttering under your breath and emphasis on certain words will heat up phrases like “You have the most incredible body” and “I love it when you do that.” You want to try and avoid awkwardness by steering clear of clichéd expressions (like those from the porn industry,) but if your partner is undoubtedly excited, maybe you want to get a even dirtier.

Once you’ve taken the risk you may find that dirty talk isn’t for everyone. It takes a good amount of practice and trust between partners. You may even find that you prefer doing it more than you get off on hearing it. Either way, it’s just one more form of communication between couples that can help them to learn more about their partner’s desires that they didn’t already know.